


Perfect Family

by carinascott



Category: Leverage
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-22
Updated: 2012-02-22
Packaged: 2017-10-31 14:19:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carinascott/pseuds/carinascott
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eliot and Alec aren't perfect, but maybe they can be perfect for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfect Family

Eliot Spencer had never really wanted children. Given his line of work he'd felt it unfair to bring a child into the mix. It was one of the many reasons, after Aimee at least, that he never tried to have a serious relationship with a woman. One night stands were fine. Anything more substantial led to thoughts of the future, which usually included wedding bells and baby bassinets.

With men it was easier. Sure, being a gay man didn't exactly prevent you from wanting kids, but it seemed far less likely an 'accidental' possibility, though adoption and surrogacy where always viable options.

Hooking up with Alec Hardison seemed like a good idea at the time. They'd been working together for about three years; and though they fought like cats and dogs, there was never any real anger to it. Heat? Oh, there was loads of heat building between them, practically an inferno whenever they were around each other, that's how they'd ended up fucking like rabbits on the pool table in Alec's apartment. But there was never any real fervor behind their anger. 

When their one-night stands became more like the weekly occasion, and then morphed into a true buddy-fuck situation, Eliot didn't mind. Alec was sexy in his own way, the toned physique a mystery considering all the junk food he ate and his very lacking workout regimen. Plus Eliot had discovered that when the hacker was in full on geek mode, babbling in techno-speak and practically having a nerd-gasm before Eliot's eyes, a kiss was a brilliant way to shut Alec up, and usually led to a 'gasm of a different kind.

After about six months of their arrangement, with both men seeking outside companionship less and less, Eliot decided to make it more official. He wasn't interested in seeing anyone else, Alec didn't seem too inclined either, and he liked the path their relationship was taking. It was surprising that he wanted more, with Alec no less, but Eliot wasn't one for lying to himself.

They didn't move in together, though by all intents and purposes, at least according to Sophie, it was just a formality. Eliot couldn't deny her observation; after all he had more than a handful of personal items in Alec's bathroom and closet, and vice-versa.

But it took another year of this arrangement before both men got fed up and decided to make their living situation more permanent and more mutually convenient. They found a nice house, not too big, but not too small; perfect for the small family that Alec and Eliot had become. Ultimately it was the kitchen that sold them on the house, Alec making sure that Eliot had his dream kitchen, if only so that Eliot wouldn't mind whipping up Alec's favorite dishes on occasion. 

After moving in and getting used to living together 24/7, which initially resulted in some rather explosive arguments, and even more incredible make-up sex, Eliot and Alec’s relationship seemed to settle into an even keel. They were completely comfortable with each other, and though they occasionally bickered, at times more seriously than their usual sniping, it wasn't anything more than most couples dealt with. And, surprisingly, their working relationship thrived. They were more in tune with each other, better able to anticipate and understand each other's actions. 

Parker often referred to them as the 'old married couple' and while Eliot growled and rolled his eyes, he really didn't mind. He loved Alec and he wouldn't mind taking the plunge with him.

It seemed like on the heels of Eliot's on personal revelation; Alec had one as well. Eliot had longed to meet Nana, knowing how important she was to Alec. But Alec had never asked, and though he mentioned Eliot's name in their weekly talks, it never went further than that. Then one day Alec asked Eliot to fly with him down to North Carolina to meet his Nana. Eliot had been overjoyed, and secretly terrified. He knew that Alec wouldn't leave him just because Nana didn't approve, but he also knew how much her approval mattered to Alec, and Eliot wasn't sure he'd fit the bill when it came down to who Nana wanted Alec to settle down with.

But Eliot needn't have worried. Nana loved him from the start, especially when she found out how much he loved to cook. She spent much of their week-long visit showing him her own recipes and telling him stories about Alec. By the time they left, Eliot was referring to her as Nana, having long been ordered to drop the ma'am he'd been using since first meeting her. And when they returned home, Eliot was included in those weekly chats too.

So, by the looks of things, everything was going great. The business was thriving, Eliot and Alec were happy, and Nana adored Eliot almost as much as she did Alec.

What else did they need?

If you asked Eliot, they didn't need a thing. Their family was complete. They had Nana, Parker, Sophie, and Nate. Things couldn't get better. And for the most part, Alec agreed. Except for one thing.

Alec wanted a child.

Eliot was floored. He'd never wanted children, and he'd always assumed that Alec felt the same way. He'd never asked Alec, but in all their years of knowing each other, he couldn't recall a time when Alec had seemed interested in children. In fact, he seemed to shy away from the little rug rats whenever they had a case that involved one. Oh he liked the little tykes, that was crystal clear, but it had never seemed to be more than a fleeting fascination.

And then, like a baseball bat to the head, Eliot remembered. He recalled the look on Alec's face, way back when they'd first started working together, and they mentioned leaving all those orphaned kids behind. He'd remembered the anger that Alec had displayed when Nate and Parker had told him there was nothing they could do, that it was too risky. But mostly, he recalled the flash of hurt and pain in Alec's eyes, when he'd looked to Eliot for help, and Eliot had simply shrugged his shoulders and agreed.

Alec wanted kids.

He wanted that family he'd never had. With two parents and a nice, stable home. Family dinners around the table, discussing your day, congratulating your child on the A they got in math. 

Alec wanted kids.

And Eliot didn't.

Eliot told Alec as much, and though Alec tried to play it off, Eliot could see he was devastated. But Eliot didn't know how to fix it. He didn't have a thing against kids, he liked them. They were good, more honest than most people, and they seemed to like him well enough. But they were also a liability. 

One Eliot didn't feel he could afford. 

Even though he was more settled than he'd ever been, his line of work was still dangerous. They were always traipsing around the country, never in Boston for more than a week or two at a time. Sure, they could take more Boston-based clients, but that would greatly limit the amount of people they could help. And even if they did that, Eliot still had enemies that could reach out for him at any moment, and they loved to use a target's loved ones as bargaining chips. It was bad enough that Alec, Parker, Sophie, or Nate could easily become said bargaining chip in a bid to get revenge on Eliot; he couldn't imagine doing that to an innocent child.

But Eliot didn't tell Alec that. Instead, he simply told them he didn't want kids. Alec tried to find out why, likely to see if it was a reason they could work out, but Eliot wouldn't budge.

Alec eventually let it go, and Eliot tried not to let it come between them. But while Alec was willing to let it go and move forward, something in Eliot wouldn't let him do the same. He just felt like he was holding Alec back from something he wanted.

And those thoughts led to him starting to distance himself from Alec. Hardison. That's right; he'd started calling him Hardison again.

Since they'd moved in together, it had become very common for Eliot to refer to Alec by his first name. In fact, he only ever referred to Alec as Hardison when they were upset with each other.

So when the name made a reappearance, Alec was subject to a constant barrage of "what did you do?" from Parker, Sophie, and Nate.

But he hadn't done anything, and pretty soon the team realized that something major was going on between Alec and Eliot. 

Sophie tried to figure it out, but Alec didn't know what he'd done, and Eliot pretty much kept telling Sophie to mind her own business.

When Alec didn't come home for three days, instead spending the night on Parker's couch, Eliot knew that they were nearing a turning point in their relationship. One way or another, there would be no turning back.

He was proven right a few days later, when Alec slammed into their house demanding to know what the hell Eliot's problem was.

Eliot played dumb, acting like nothing was wrong, and Alec completely lost it. He yelled at Eliot about the shit that had been going on for months, blasted him for pushing him away just because he didn't want kids and Alec did, and went even further to call him a coward. Eliot didn't say a word, knowing it was all pretty much true. And his lack of response was the last straw. 

That night, Alec packed a few bags and called a cab. Eliot didn't see or hear from him for two weeks, and he was going out of his mind with worry. Parker, who'd been shooting daggers at him for days, finally relented enough to tell him that Alec was alive and in relatively good health. That didn't sound right, but when he'd pushed, Parker had yelled at him, explaining that it was hard to be perfectly okay when your heart was broken, and unless Eliot planned on pulling his head out of his ass, then 'relatively okay' was the best she could give him.

It was another two weeks before Alec returned to the team. He was cordial to Eliot, but the strain was obvious. And he looked like crap. Eliot figured he looked like shit too, considering his restless nights. But it killed something inside to know that he was the one that had caused that look on Alec.

He tried to be friendly. He joked with Alec, poked fun at him about his scarves; anything to bring out a smile, just a small spark of their former banter.

But nothing worked. Alec would listen to him politely, and then he'd turn back to his computer and continue doing whatever he was doing before Eliot had interrupted him. 

It was this stilted politeness that hurt the most. Like Eliot was no longer worth the energy it would take for Alec to even yell at him, or call him an idiot for the things he'd done.

No, Alec was like a pod-person to Eliot. Sure, he was nice and jovial with the rest of the team, like nothing had changed. But Alec's mood would change completely as soon as Eliot walked in the room. 

And he never looked at Eliot anymore. He'd look in his direction, stare just over his shoulder in a mockery of eye-contact, but he never _looked_ at Eliot. 

And as angry as it made him, as much as it hurt to be so blatantly ignored, Eliot couldn't blame him. He'd pushed Alec away in the most hurtful way possible, short of sleeping with someone else, and it didn't matter the motivations for it. Alec felt abandoned, and there was nothing Eliot could do to change that. At this point, he didn't even think begging forgiveness would help.

Things went on like this for about four months before, suddenly, something changed. Eliot wasn't sure what it was, but suddenly Alec was joking with him again, cracking smiles here and there, even poking fun at him about his need to punch things.

Eliot was in heaven. Sure, it wasn't anything like what they'd shared before, but it was a far cry from the painfully formal interactions they'd had in the last few months.

Eliot finally felt they were back on good terms; felt they could even become friends again, though he wasn't willing to look for more, still unable to hold Alec from the family he obviously desired.

So it was a kick in the teeth to find out that Alec's newfound happiness was because he was dating again.

Eliot hadn't dated in months, hadn't even given it thought. Though he'd let Alec go, his thoughts had been on the younger man the whole time; wishing circumstances were different between them. To find out that the younger man had moved on, even if that was what Eliot had pushed him to do, was still painful.

Eliot tried to be nice, even supportive, but it was hard. Imagining Alec's new guy as a pimply-faced computer nerd helped, until Eliot actually met him. Not only did the guy not have any pimples, he was about as far from a geek as you could get. Hell, Eliot could pass for a geek quicker than this guy.

And though it pained Eliot to admit it, and really, he would’ve rather had a root canal first, the guy was gorgeous.

He had a strong jaw, peppered with stubble, striking green eyes, and a smile that made Eliot want to punch him. He was much taller than Eliot and Alec, putting him around six feet. And he had the kind of personality that women flocked to. With an open smile and easy charm, Sophie and Parker both putty in his hands within moments of meeting him, Eliot hated him on sight.

\----

“Jealous?”

Eliot looked up to see Nate smirking at him, holding out a cold beer to him. Eliot took it with a scowl, “No, I’m not.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

Eliot ignored Nate, glancing back over at Alec and his new boy toy, just in time to see said boy toy kiss Alec on the cheek. He slammed his beer bottle on the counter he was sitting at when Alec’s smile grew even wider, leaning against the guy like he wanted to fall into his arms right there in front of everyone.

“It's your own fault, you know.”

“What?” Eliot asked; distracted as the boy toy’s hand found Alec’s and their fingers interlocked. 

“I said it’s your fault. You pushed him away. What did you expect to happen?”

Eliot glanced at Nate; scowl still firmly in place, “You wouldn’t understand.”

“You don’t know that. But it doesn’t matter what I think. The point is, you pushed Hardison away. I’m sure you had your reasons, and I’m sure you thought they were pretty good ones to boot. But I saw how you and Alec were with each other. You were great together. And your breakup crushed him. And though you were pretty good at hiding it, it crushed you as well. I thought you’d both work things out and get back together. But looking at Jesse over there, I’d say not. The question is, what are you gonna do about it?”

“What is there to do? He’s moved on.” Eliot glanced back at Alec, his heart clinching in pain at the obvious adoration the two men shared.

“You haven’t given him much choice Eliot. He’s been back here for almost five months, obviously waiting for a sign from you, and you haven’t made a move to get him back. Hell, I doubt you’ve even tried explaining why you broke it off with him in the first place. Hardison loves you, but you couldn’t have expected him to stay alone forever.”

Eliot remained silent.

“Oh, so you didn’t _ask_ him to stay alone, but you wanted him to. At least subconsciously.” Shaking his head, Nate stood and tossed his empty beer bottle in the trash. “Look Eliot, I don’t know why you broke up with Hardison. I don’t need to know. But I can tell that you still love him, and he loves you. No matter what Jesse’s presence may make you think. But he’s not gonna wait around forever when he thinks you don’t want or love him anymore. If you’re not gonna be happy with him, then be happy _for_ him while he’s with someone else. If you do anything less, it’s unfair to Alec. And I think you know it.”

Eliot remained silent as Nate walked back into the living room to rejoin the others. He sat there for a while, watching as Alec and Jesse talked back and forth, laughing and joking with Parker and Sophie, Nate even piping up and making the occasional comment.

It wasn’t right for him to be so against Alec moving on, especially since he’d pushed him to do just that. But it also didn’t feel right to see Alec with someone else, with anyone that wasn't him. 

_‘Why not? He wants a family, and you can’t give it to him. Or you won’t.’_

Eliot frowned at his subconscious, knowing it was right. It wouldn’t be easy, or convenient, but having a family wasn’t out of the question. A lot of Alec’s contributions to their jobs were computer-based, so he didn’t always have to be physically present when they went on a job. And there were several wonderful nannies looking for jobs, should Alec and Eliot both have to be away for their work. And with Alec’s computer knowledge and technical know-how, not only would their home be covered by a camera from every possible angle, the nanny would be more thoroughly investigated than the top CIA operative. 

And it wasn’t like Eliot didn’t like kids. He did like them, some of them better than adults he knew. But he’d resigned himself long ago to the fact that children were a liability that he could do without, so he had pretty much wrote them off in regards to his life and their inclusion in it. 

But now he wasn’t so sure that he was being fair. Kids could do a lot worse than him for a father, and Alec was a great guy, he’d make a great father. Growing up in the foster system, Alec knew better than most the kind of hell any child they might adopt has gone through. That alone would make him a good person to have in the kid’s life. But he was also a great listener. For all that he talked almost non-stop, and had an opinion about everything; Alec was one of the best listeners that Eliot had ever met. It was almost uncanny the way he could tell when Eliot was looking for advice, or when he was simply looking for a sounding board. 

Sighing, Eliot rose from the table and headed to the living room. He was no closer to a decision, but the least he could do was be cordial. 

\----

It was another two weeks before Eliot approached Alec. Since that night with Jesse, Eliot hadn’t heard any more mention of the other man. Didn’t mean that Alec wasn’t still seeing him, but he hadn’t mentioned him again, at least not when Eliot was around. 

“Alec, can I talk to you?”

Alec glanced up at Eliot with a wary look, before closing his laptop and turning fully towards Eliot, “Sure man. What’s up?”

Eliot took a seat on the chair adjacent to the couch before speaking, “I know we haven’t talked about what happened between us-”

Alec tensed, “Eliot, there’s nothing to say. It’s in the past.”

Eliot grinned bitterly, “I thought so too. But it’s not. Not for me at least. And seeing you with Jesse made me realize just how much what happened between us is still very much a part of my daily life.”

“So, what? You’re jealous?” Alec scoffed, looking away from Eliot with a scowl on his face. 

“No. Yes. Look, Alec. I still love you. I know it’s hard to believe, probably even harder to hear, but it’s true. I never stopped loving you.”

Alec stood abruptly, “Don’t do this Eliot. You broke it off with me months ago; don’t do this shit just because you see me finally, after all these months, trying to move on with my life!!!”

Eliot walked over to Alec, stopping just short of touching him, “I’m sorry Alec, and I’m not trying to take you from Jesse, or stop you from being with him if that’s what you really want-”

Alec whirled around, eyes blazing, “What I want!?! Like you care! I wanted you, Eliot. _You._ I didn’t care that you didn’t want kids. I didn’t care that you didn’t see kids as a part of our future. I saw you as my future and that was enough for me. But I wasn’t enough for you. You pushed me away. Made me feel lower than shit, until I finally got fed up and walked away from what we had. But you pushed me away long before I packed my bags. And even with all that, I still came back. It was harder than you will ever know to come back and work with you for all those months, knowing that what we had was over. I prayed Eliot, for months I prayed that you’d come back to me; that we’d fix what was broken between us and be together again. But it never happened; you never even gave me a sign that it was possible. And now, now when you see that I just might be happy with someone else; that I just might be finally moving on and getting over you, here you come at me with this shit. Love my ass! If you ever loved me, you wouldn’t be doing this to me now!”

Eliot winced at the venom in Alec’s voice, even though he knew the anger was entirely valid. Sighing, Eliot pressed on, knowing that he had to get the truth out, no matter what. “I’m sorry Alec. I don’t mean to put this on you, but you have to admit that it’s been lingering between us, no matter how much we ignore it. And now that you’re with Jesse, if for no other reason than to put this behind you, I think you need to know the whole truth.”

“Yeah, because this is all about me. Right.” Alec replied, though he did retake his seat as Eliot did the same.

“I’ve never wanted kids, Alec. Not since the day I picked up a gun and went to battle. I always knew that the path I’d chosen in life would be dangerous. I didn’t want children, adopted or biological, to be a part of that. It’s one of the main reasons Aimee and I had problems. She wanted a family, and I didn’t. Because of that, I steered clear of any serious relationships with women. I figured men were a safer bet, biologically speaking at least, and to be honest, they were a better fit for me.” 

“When we got together, it never occurred to me that you might want kids. I don’t know why, but it was an assumption I made, and believed until you mentioned you wanted kids all those months ago.”

“Eliot, I said I wanted kids. Not that I had to have them.”

“But I didn’t want to be the reason you had to make that distinction Alec. I couldn’t be. But I couldn’t have kids either knowing that one day they might end up in danger, or worse, because of me.”

“What are you talking about?” Alec looked confused.

“You know my history Alec. You know all about the things I’ve done in the name of God and country, and other less noble reasons. So you know I’ve got a ton of people out there that would love to see me dead. A child is the perfect tool one of my enemies would use for revenge. It’s bad enough that you, Parker, Sophie, and Nate could fall victim to that. I couldn’t even imagine an innocent child being in that situation.”

Both men were quiet for a long time before Alec finally spoke up. “Why didn’t you tell me all of this before?”

“Because I know you, Alec. You would’ve given up on your dream of having a family for me. And I couldn’t be the reason you gave up on your future.”

Alec growled, literally growled, before glaring at Eliot, “You asshole! Did you ever think that maybe you were family enough for me?! That you were my future? Sure, I wanted kids. But not to make us a family, but to add to the family we already had together. It might not seem like a lot to you, but you are enough family for me. Parker, Sophie, Nate, and Nana, I love them to death. But I’m in love with you. And you are my family. Don’t you get that?”

Eliot took a shaky breath, “Even after all this time, you still love me?”

Alec looked away, quietly thinking for a few minutes, before looking back at Eliot, “I tried to hate you. Think I succeeded those first few weeks, after the breakup. The pain was so fresh; it was easy to hate you. But then I came back, and I had to see you every day. It got so much harder then. And the pain seemed to be more intense. It was like all the reminders of what we’d shared were everywhere. In Nate’s kitchen, in the office, even in the downstairs pub; ‘we’ were everywhere, but there was no longer a ‘we’. But I tried to hide it. I tried to act like nothing was wrong. And eventually, I convinced myself that I was over you. I even tried dating again.”

“That’s how you met Jesse?”

Alec smiled, “Yes. He was down at the bar, nursing a drink, bitter over a breakup too. We hit it off immediately, but there wasn’t anything there between us. No spark of attraction. Sure, he’s a great looking guy, but not my type.”

“Wait a minute – you’re not with him?”

Alec frowned, “No, I’m not. We’re friends, but he’s not over his ex, and apparently, I’m not over you.”

“But I saw you kiss him.”

“Yeah, that was Jesse’s idea. He thought that maybe seeing me out with someone else would make you come to your senses.”

“He’s right.”

“Is he?” Alec asked, not completely convinced.

Eliot nodded, “I know it’s asking a lot, and I hadn’t even come here to ask this. But I do still love you, I never stopped. And, if you’re willing, I’d love to try again.”

“Are you sure, Eliot? Because if we do this again, and you push me away, it’s done; I'm gone. But it’ll be different the next time. I’ll have to leave completely because working with you won’t even be an option anymore. I’ll have to walk from this team, from this family, if you push me away again.”

Eliot stood and crossed over to kneel before Alec, “I can’t promise that things will be easy. I can’t promise that I won’t screw up and piss you off. But I can promise, that no matter what, I won’t stop loving you.”

Alec stared at Eliot for a long time, trying to gauge the truthfulness of his words, before nodding. “And I promise that I won’t stop loving you, even you damn near make it impossible.”

Eliot smiled, whooped a bit, before stifling the sound by pressing his lips to Alec’s.

Sure, things weren’t completely perfect between them. They probably never would be. But they were perfect in their flaws, in their idiosyncrasies, and in their stubbornness; in short they were perfect for each other and with a little hard work and perseverance, everything else would fall into place.

END


End file.
